In Which Kat Whines

So, let me give you some idea of the situation here.

It's 2:38 AM. I have set work from nine to five tomorrow. I'm sitting up at night printing out six copies of my play, which I've been editing all night. It is eighty-five pages long, each copy. It is taking forever and a day. I am miserable. And tired. I want bed. No get bed because play. Bah humbug upon playwrighting. Bah humbug indeed.

So so so. What to talk about, so that I may pass the time whilst my printer squeaks its merry squeaking of squeakishness and produces my play and kills trees especially for the Wabi Partnership? Oooh, I've got it. Good Things are happening, it should be known, in that thing that Kat sees fit to call a life. Certain persons unknown are very charming, and apparently think that Kat is likewise charming. This is quite yay, in Kat's opinion, considering that person unknown is Older Than Us.

Oooh, and also I have a new musical of the moment. It is called Spring Awakening and it wins at life. One of the songs, Bitch of Living, is the free download on iTunes right now, and it is absolutely A+. Allow me to reccomend this show. It's like the bastard child of Rent and The History Boys, both of which I have unending <3 for.

Oh dear, now the printer's running out of ink on the very last copy. I hate life. Or at the very least I hate this printer. La de da de da. Switched cartridge. Things are going smoothly now. Happy me! Okaaay. So did anything interesting happen in my life lately?

The answer to this is yes yes yes yes, however, it is of Private Nature and I will just mock you with it. Mwhahaha. I know something you don't know! LOLLERSKATES.

SO VERY BORED.

A Few People Who Are Dead
George Gordon Noel Byron, Lord, Sixth Baron of Rochestor
Oscar Wilde
Percy Bysshe Shelley
Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Kurt Cobain
My paternal grandmother
My maternal grandmother's political sensiilities
Abe Lincoln
Shakespeare
Marlon Brando
Herb Gardner
Bob Fosse
Martha Graham
Nureyev
John Wilmot
Christopher Marlowe
George Bernard Shaw
Paul Wellstone
A lot of people with the last name Kennedy
The Dead Kennedys, by definition
God
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Simone de Beauvoir

Because I Love Bad Metaphors

These are a list of awful metaphors compiled by teachers across the country.

I am so glad I don't write like this.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm. traveling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm. at a speed of 35mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Fuck, It's the Eighth, Isn't It?

I am old and lazy.

Song lyrics.

Happy Birthday to me
Years go by so easily
Happy Birthday to me now
I remember white sweet cake
Party hats, pinatas and balloons
Birthday shoes and my innocence
Laughter and those long gone afternoons
I look in the mirror when I get up
And those devilish eyes light up
Oh man,
When will I
Ever grow up?
All right!
Happy Birthday to me
Years go by so easily
Happy Birthday to me now
A few pounds here, few pounds there
Maybe a big wedding to prepare
Some dilemmas but mostly bliss
First gray hair for sanity dismissed
I'm supposed to have some common sense
With the time and experience
Oh man
Like in school
The same old fool
Happy Birthday to me
Years go by so easily
Happy Birthday to me, now
Talkin' 'bout my special day
(talking 'bout that special day)
Talkin' 'bout that special special day
c'mon
Happy Birthday (Happy Birthday)
Happy Birthday yeah (Happy Birthday yeah)
I look in the mirror when I get up
It's the same old questions start
Oh man,
When will you
Ever grow up?
Celebrate it with me
C'mon c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
Wait a minute! Get a moment, Time out!
yeah, all right
Happy Birthday to me now
Happy Birthday to me now

I Come Bearing News

Of a newsy nature. Item one - I have caved. Click me. C'est moi.

Item two - Ah, for us, my friends, the new version of Blogger is not meant to be. Few are our years, and yet we feel the world was ne'er designed for us, we dear Byronic heroes. For our blog is too big. The woe! The misery! The unrequited adoration!

Quote of the Day

"You are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history."

- The Picture of Dorian Gray

Love,
SH