The Persian

I didn't write this. It is an excerpt from a story by Random-Battlecry on FFN - go read her stuff, it's hysterical - in which a bunch of fanfiction writers go after and capture all the PotO characters. This is Random's impression of what would happen if I went after Nadir.

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“Nobody got Nadir yet, then?”

There was a shriek of delight from SimplyElymas, and Random regarded her seriously over the edges of the notebook.

“Do we have a volunteer?”

“Yes yes God yes!”

“I said, do we have a volunteer?”

SimplyElymas stopped bouncing up and down and simply stared at her with her jaw dropped. Random smiled.

“Come on, you know I have a hard time hearing.”

SimplyElymas gave vent to an ear-shattering, brain-piercing shriek worthy of Brightman Christine herself. Everyone in the room winced, a few fainted, and MindGame fell to the floor and rolled under the table.

“That’s more like it,” said Random, obliviously. She and Crawford Phantom, who was used to Brightman Christine at any rate, were the only two in the room who didn’t appear affected. She turned a few more pages. “Alright, you want to go and get him? You can pick a posse if you want. He shouldn’t be too hard to find, if —”

She looked up. There was a SimplyElymas-shaped hole in the wall.

“—you really look,” she finished, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

“Well, someone’s enthusiastic,” said Becky.

“No kidding,” agreed Regina from on the shelves.

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That's FFN for you. And Kat for you.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.