'Twas The Night Before Christmas. . .

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the blog
No commentors were stirring, for fear to be flogged.
Like Erik bashers punjabbed with kindness and care,
They knew that the Junior Ghost soon would be there.

The commentors nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Heidi Klum danced in their heads.
And Mickey in her witch hat, and Max in his cap,
Had foregone dreams of Lizzie for a long winter’s nap.

When down in the foyer arose such a clatter,
Ben sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window Gabe flew like a flash,
Max opened the shutters and threw up the sash.

The PotJHers stared as the world that they knew
Turned, for the good sake of the rhyme scheme, bright blue
OAYe! What to Mick’s contact lense’d eyes should appear,
But this black guy named Taye, all a-shaking with fear!

And this slightly tall teen girl, with a really big stick,
Max knew in a moment she was not to be licked.
More Random than Arthur the phantom she came,
And she squeed, and she shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Spencer! now, Gabriel! now, David and Nixon!
On, Mickey! On, Julian! On godawful fan fiction!!
To the top of the op’ra! The crowded locker hall!
Now yell OAYe! Yell OAYe! Yell OAYe, all!"

As oddnesses that before the sane personage die,
When they emote with Mizamour, float to the sky.
So up to the opera the phantom she flew,
With the black guy named Taye, and Idina Menzel too.

And then, in a twinkling, Ben heard on the roof
The barking and growl’ng of Obi going woof.
As Gabe drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney the Junior Ghost came with a bound.

She was dressed all in black, from her head to her foot,
And her jeans were covered with strawberry jam and soot.
The black guy named Taye was flung on her back,
And Idina Menzel was buried deep in the pack.

Her eyes - how they creeped them! her smile how merry!
She drank water from hoses as a child eating cherries!
Her severely smart mouth had near put her on death row,
And she lived on the West Coast and never saw snow.

The stump of a lollipop held tight in her teeth,
And her unbrushed hair circled her head like a wreath.
She had a perky face and disliked the word belly,
And had her grandfather’s fondness for strawberry jelly!

She was not a Legolas fangirl, he was a wimpy elf,
And she laughed when she saw him, in spite of herself!
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Gave Spencer to know they had horrors to dread.

She spoke not a word, nor did her homework,
But she filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
“I hope everyone around here knows,
“Taye and Menzel are for Mickey!” Up up the chimney she rose!

She said goodbye to Taye, who would teach Ben to whistle,
And away she flew, ‘cos Gabe pricked her with a thistle.
But they heard him exclaim, ‘ere she bounced out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.