It's A Drug, I Tell You
I just got 404'd from my own blog. Hahaha.
David: Buh. . .whu. . .eh. . .whubba. . .
Gabe: Didn't she say she was going on hiatus?
Ben: A hiatus that lasted. . .(glances at watch). . .thirteen hours and ten minutes, if I'm not mistaken.
Mickey: What?
Kat: Yeah, blogging is a bit like heroin.
Gabe: (Confused.) Heroine? (Pulls picture of Amelia Earhart out of nowhere.)
Kat: No, Toby, heroin. (Pulls picture of Harry Nilsson out of nowhere.)
David: (Rimshot noise.) Bad joke.
Ben and SP: OMG Harry Nilsson. (Don't ask. Well, do ask, just not here.)
Kat: At least I'm trying. I don't have a lot of comedy material right now.
Max: Try snarking badfic.
Kat: Let's not.
(There is a short silence.)
Ben: So, anything out of the ordinary happen lately?
Mickey: Well, Kat thought she was dead, and then we almost burned the house down, and then Max and I thought maybe that she'd be interesting in. . .
Max: I was just sitting there and then Kat mentioned Bambi and I grabbed my Diet Coke and then Mr. B. told us to shut up and then I said. . .
David: Well, I was looking at this picture of Micheal Cerveris and then I got really scared and then we were watching a movie during Anthro that was actually half decent. . .
Kat: I thought I might be dead.
Ben: . . .What?
Kat: Think about it, people. What if I'm dead and nobody told me?
Gabe: You would be an exception to the laws of biology.
Kat: I'm already an exception to the laws of logic.
David: Well, not really. . .but you act like it, and you like to think you are.
Kat: I think I'm dead. I'm serious. I think I died a long time ago and nobody told me. That's why I'm still up and about.
Ben: Logic? What logic?
Mickey: Where's Spencer?
Ben: Dunno. Playing water basketball? Or was it Alaskan baseball that he was in charge of?
Kat: Alaskan baseball.
Mickey: Whatever. I'ma go get him.
Max: Why?
Kat: Because he's the only one of you people who's actually not at the center of all of this. . .intrigue.
Mickey: You know what this reminds me of?
Kat: What?
Mickey: The scene in RENT, when they're at the graveyard, and. . .
Ben: They're all scenes from RENT, aren't they?
Kat: No, by that logic I would be dating a lawyer named Joanne right now. . .
Ben: And I would be an angsty film maker obsessed with art who is charmingly Leo Bloom-esque. . .hey, wait -
Mickey: Seriously!
Kat: Oh, shut up!
Mickey: It's the scene at the graveyard. . .
Kat: Honey, it is not. I'm not a Latina, David isn't a drag queen (usually) and Ben can't play the guitar. Wait. . .can you?
Ben: No.
Kat: Okay then. It's not.
Mickey: Regardless.
Kat: WHERE IS SPENCER?
Max: You are writing this. Your choice.
Kat: As far as Spencer is concerned? Yo no creo.
Spencer: Angel helped us believe in love. I can't believe you disagree. . .
David: Does he even know RENT?
Gabe: It would seem he does now. . .
David: You sound like Ben again, Gabe. . .why does that keep happening?
Kat: Dunno.
Ben: Don't look at me.
Well, that's normal again.
You put me back, back in business,
This ain't no hit or miss, I'm gonna get my way.
'Cause you put me back, back in business,
You're my first witness, and I'm here to stay.
And if you know who wrote that. . .
. . .you're probably Ben. . .in which case things are really back to normal. On the blog, anyway.
The bottom line is, the blog is back to normal.
Kat isn't.
You win some, you lose some.
From now on, the angst goes on the LJ. The name is simplysidhe, swing by if you want to feel depressed.
Quote of the Day
"We are not listening to RENT!"
- Character Building Assembly. You should have seen the look on our faces.
I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,
J.G.
posted by Sigerson @ 9:59 PM
21 comments
21 Comments:
was that a dane cook bit
What was a Dane Cook bit.
His first album was pretty good, but his second one sucked. And nobody recognized Patton Oswalt, even though (in my opinion) he's much better.
THIS BLOG IS FACTUALLY INCORRECT. I know nothing about RENT.
Aaaaaaaand. Recently I've taken a slight interest in blood sausage: how do they make a sausage out of pig's blood?
FINALLY I got a Chicken Little hat in the mail from Kellogg's that I ordered in early November.
I paid $1.99 for that hat, I should expect some better service. And packing. It came in a small plastic bag in a small cardboard box secured by one piece of tape on each side.
BUt I like RENT.
you know those people wouldn't of been drunk driving if they had listened to RENT
RENT: the ultimate antidrug.
Blood Sausage. Not recommended for the squeamish.
a) u fucking remind me of cook nieman cept ur not funny
b) yay penny finally got his hat
c) that sausage looks like a turd
greetings to all ye nerds
on today 3-14-06, at 1:59 pm was pi day
the day where we celebrate the most known mathematical constant, pi
if you don't understand the date, it is quite simple
3, 14, 159 corresponding to the month, day, and time
like 3.14159
note: if you use the good non american date system where day comes first, then pi day is celebrated january 3rd at 4:15 pm
get it 3, 1, 415 corresponding to the day, month, and then time
3.1415 is what it is
other note: i found out about pi day tonight several hours after it happened, in repentance, i have my first ever avatar on this blog, the pi symbol
To Anonymous:
I saw that webpage long before you posted it.
To Arcticfreeze:
That's why Buzzy was wearing a π shirt to-day. But I guess you wouldn't know that he was wearing a π shirt to-day. Okay. That rhymed.
To Liberalkid:
I wholly agree with you on all levels.
To Slopaque:
Dane Cook isn't as funny as everyone says he is, he's just popular. And as many other comedians, he was funnier before he got popular. I REMEMBER THAT TIME, YOU DAMN WHIPPERSCHNAPPERS.
Þ
I put us through an online translator. . .it's called Gizoogle. It puts ordinary speak into rapspeak.
I know, I know, silly, but entertaining.
I'd censor the language but I'm tired and angsty.
It's A Drizzay I Tizzle You
I just gots 404'd friznom mah own bizzle. Hahaha.
David: Buh. . .izzle. . .eh. . .whubba. . .
Gabe: Didn't she say she was going on hiatus?
Ben . Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit: A hiatus T-H-to-tha-izzat lasted. . .(glances at watch). . .thirteen hours n ten minutes, if I'm not mistaken . They call me tha black folks president.
Mickey: What?
Kat: Yeah, blogg'n is a bit like heroin.
Gizzle: (Confused.) Heroine? (Pulls picture of Amelia Earhart out of nowhere.)
Kat: No, Toby, heroin. (Pulls picture of Harry Nilsson out of nowhere.)
David: (Rimshot noise.) Bad joke.
Ben n SP: OMG Harry Nilsson. (Don't ask. Wiznell, do ask, jiznust not here.)
Kat: At least I'm blunt-rollin'. I diznon't hizzle a lot of comedy material right now.
Max: Try trippin' badfic.
Kat: Let's not.
(There is a shizzay silence.)
Ben: So, steppin' out of tha ordinary happen lately?
Mickey: Well, Kat thought she was dead, n then we almost burned tha hizouse D-to-tha-izzown, n then Max n I thought maybe thizzay she'd be mobbin' in cuz I'm fresh out the pen. . Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. cuz this is how we do it.
Max yeah yeah baby: I was jizzle sitt'n there n then Kat mentioned Bambi n I grabbed mah Dizzy Coke n tizzy Mr so show some love niggaz. B. told us ta shizzut up n tizzle I said. n' shit. .
David: Wizzell, I was bustin' at this picture of Micheal Cerveris n then I gots really scared n T-H-to-tha-izzen we were watch'n a movie blingin' Anthro thizzat was actually hizzay decent n shit. . .
Kat: I thought I might be dead.
Ben: . . .Whizzat?
Kat: Thizzay `bout it, people. Wizzle if I'm dead n nobody told me?
Gabe: You would be an exception ta tha laws of biology.
Kat: I'm already an exception ta tha laws of logic.
David: Wizzell, not really. . .but you act like it, n you like ta think you are.
Kat: I think I'm dead . Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. I'm serious. I thiznink I died a long tizzle ago n nobody told me so i can get mah pimp on. That's why I'm still up n `bout.
Ben: Logic? Whiznat logic?
Mickey: Where's Hustla?
Ben: Dunno . Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. Play'n gangsta basketball? Or was it Alaskan baseball thiznat he was in charge of?
Kat: Alaskan baseball.
Mickey: Whateva. I'ma go git him.
Max: Why?
Kat: Coz he's tha only one of you thugz who's actually not at tha centa of all of this. . .intrigue.
Mickey: You knizzow W-H-to-tha-izzat this reminds me of?
Kat: What?
Mickey: The scene in RENT, when they're at tha graveyard, and. . .
Ben: They're allscenes friznom RENT, aren't they?
Kat: No, by that logic I would be pimpin` a lawya named Joanne riznight now. . .
Ben . I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier: And I would be an angsty fizzilm maka obsessed wit art who is charmingly Leo Bloom-esque. . Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. .hey, wait -
Mickey: Seriously!
Kat: Oh, shut up!
Mickey: It's tha scene at tha graveyard. . .
Kat: Honey, it is not . Drop it like its hot. I'm not a Latina, David isn't a drag queen (usually) n Ben can't play tha guitar so i can get mah pimp on. Wait. . Bounce wit me. .cizzan you?
Ben: No.
Kat: Okay tizzy. It's not.
Mickey: Regardless.
Kat: WHERE IS SPENCER?
Max: You is doggy stylin' this. Yo choice.
Kat: As far as Spenca is concerned? Yo no creo.
Motherfucka: Angel helped us believe in love. I C-to-tha-izzan't believe you disagree. . .
David: Does he even knowRENT?
Gizzle: It would seem he does now. . .
David: You sound like Ben again, Gizzle. . .why does that kizzy happen'n?
Kat: Dunno.
Ben: Don't look at me.
Wizzell, that's normal again.
You put me biznack, bizzle in business,
This ain't no hit or M-to-tha-izziss, I'm gonna git mah way.
'Cause you put me bizzack, back in business,
You're mah fizzirst witness, n I'm here ta stay.
And if you know who wrote thizzat. . .
ridin' in mah double R. . .you're probably Ben. . .in whizzay case th'n is really bizzle ta normal. On tha B-L-to-tha-izzog, anyway.
The bottom line is, tha blizzay is back ta normal.
Kat isn't.
You win some, you lose some.
Fizzy now on, tha angst goes on tha LJ n shit. The name is simplysizzles swing by if you wizzay ta fizzle depressed . Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'.
Quote of tha Day
"We is not listen'n ta RENT!"
- Characta Doggy Stylin' Assembly. You should hizzy seen tha look on our faces.
I remain, gentlemen, yo faithful n obedient servant,
J.G.
posted by Elymas at 9:59 PM 11 comments
An Official Announcement
The Phantom of tha Junior High is going on hiatus. I who have always bizzle perpetratin' am becom'n un n shit.
I remain, gentlemen, yo faithful n obedient servant,
J.G.
posted by Elymas at 8:40 AM 6 comments
Sunday, March 12, 2006
In Which Kat Expresses Her Frontin' Wit Penguins And Dizzick Van Dizzle And Micheal Cerveris And Assorted Baller Assortments
(A troop of penguins from Mary Poppins bizzurst in . Bounce wit me. You K-N-to-tha-izzow, tha animated ones that Dizzick Van Dyke dances wit.)
Gabe: Wha?
David: Eh?
Mickey: WTF?
Kat: Ha.
(Micheal Cerveris appears.)
Micheal Cerveris sho nuff: (Sing'n.) And though I'll thizzink of you, I guess, until tha day I die, I find I miss you less n less as every day goes by Johaaaaaanaaaa. . Bounce wit me. .And in that darkness W-H-to-tha-izzen I'm blind wit what I can't forget, it's always hatin' in mah mizzind, mah shawty lamb, mah pizzy Johaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaaa n we out. . I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. .
David: OMG Micheal Cerveris.
Pusha: Who's Micheal Cerveris?
Gabe: Sweeney Todd.
Max: Eeeep!
Kat: Calmate!
David: Dear me.
Kat: Indeed.
All: Hmmmmmmmm.
(There is a brief silence. Suddenly, there is a voice.)
Sudden Voice: Shouldn't sum-m sum-m happen now?
Kat: No, no, not really.
Sudden Voice: Why am I called tha sudden voice? I dizzay seem very sudden ta me at all.
Gabe: W-to-tha-izzell, being that you spoke ratha quickly. . .
Sudden Voice: That doesn't sound like sum-m sum-m Gabe would say.
Kat: How do you kizzy thizzay? You J-to-tha-izzust showed up a minute ago.
David: Aha! I have it!
Baller: No, I have it!
Bizzle: We have it!
(izzy appears out of thin air.)
Ben: Yes, tha Sudden Voice would have been me. . .
Max: Whizzay is you doing hizzy?
David: Straight Trippin' against you, of course, but I tizzy it tizzy relations between you n Kat were ratha strained at tha moment.
(Kiznat is sitt'n on an iron piznark bench that has spontaneously appeared, by a gangsta that has likewise spontaneously appeared so i can get mah pimp on. She is blankly watch'n tha penguins, who is danc'n . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Occasionally, she throws rocks into tha killa . Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Micheal Cerveris starts danc'n wit tha penguins. Kat looks mildly alarmed, then depressed again.)
Ben: I was `bout ta takes it as well, but I suppose if I took it I would allow her ta become totally stereotizzles dogg.
David: She's sitt'n on a pizzark bench throw'n rocks in tha wata. And you T-H-to-tha-izzink it gets more stereotizzles?
Ben: T-H-to-tha-izzink of it this way. She could be quot'n Sex n tha City.
David: She did. Two bizzy posts ago.
Ben: What? Wizzle?
David: It was tha Quote of tha Day.
Ben: How do you know that?
David: . . .I don't W-to-tha-izzatch Sex n tha City. Really.
Gizzle: Hmmm.
David:WHAT?
And tha moral of tha story is:
Even a breakup is F-U-Double-Nizzy if you add penguins n Micheal Cerveris.
No, not really.
If anyone needs me, I'm at tha proverbial park bench throw'n rocks in tha wata, doggy stylin' tha proverbial penguins. (That's a bootylicious name fo` a band.)
Quote of tha Day
"Music makes one fizzle so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - W-H-to-tha-izzich is tha same thing nowadays."
- Oscar Wilde.
I remain, gentlemen, yo faithful n obedient servant,
J.G.
posted by Elymas at 12:10 PM 15 comments
Saturday, Mizzay 11, 2006
WARNING: Angsty Kat Aheezee.
The clockin' is tha hardest, really. Or no, perhaps it's tha even'n that is tha hardest . Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. I'm not sure. But in tha morn'n I can't git out of bed n shit. I lie there n I hold Zimma, tha demented T-E-Double-Dizzy bizzy frizzom Nightmare Before Christmas (I should throw Zimma away, shouldn't I, or sum-m sum-m) n I breathe upside yo head. I breathe. And I know thiznat when I git out of bizzay no baller whizzat I imagine nizzle in bizzle I'll git out n chizzeck mah email n nuttin' wiznill hizzle changed . Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. HSF is ova. So I can barely git out of bed to increase tha peace. I only managed this morn'n at eleven o' clock coz mah sista came in in mah red dress n I needed ta git it bizzy from her.
The daytimes aren't so hard with the S-N-double-O-P. You can shiznut up n suck it up, I guess . Tru niggaz do niggaz. There isn't chillin' else ta do. So I go ta rehearsal, n I act, n I sing, n I dance, n I repeat Shakespeare over n ova, n I start weed-smokin' hustla tha Hamlet n Ophelia scene comes on. "I did love you once," sez Megan, our Hamlet aww nah. She makes a very blingin' boy fo' sheezy.
"Indeed mah lord, you mizzle me believe so," replies Sarah, our Ophelia. Pizzle girl, her boyfriend dumped her too, last Thursday.
"This was sometime a paradox, n now tizzle proves it T-R-to-tha-izzuth. I loved you nizzot."
"I was tha more decieved."
I shiva coz it's cold at out outdoor theatre . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. We all wizzy out hands at tha outdoor heata, tizzy n ho-slappin' like some strange species of metal tree fo gettin yo pimp on. I change out bizzay n tha cold air pricks everywhere . Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.. I joke n laugh like a robot in tha dogg pound. Noth'n is tha same anymore n we out. I'm still an actress, though ya dig?.
No, I would have ta say thiznat tha perpetratin' is tha hardest . Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. Its thizzen, you see, tizzy I come home n find that tha rest of tha world keeps weed-smokin' just like it did before. The view frizzay mah street is still beautiful. (I'll neva be able ta look at it again. Why did he hizzle ta be so funky ass?) People is S-T-to-tha-izzill rhymin'. I D-to-tha-izzon't T-H-to-tha-izzink Mickey even knows yet in all flavas. I dizzay know wizzle she'll do when she finds out.
Afternoons at schoo` is hard too. I sit there in mah chair, n sometizzles I write poser long crazy ass nigga tizzle I wanna be gangsta send. They're full of anga n indictments. Sometizzles obscenity. I dizzay kizzy who ta blame. Sometizzles I blame me . Bounce wit me. I wrote me a brotha thizzat told me wizzy an idiot I was. And then, inevizzles someone makes a magician joke with the S-N-double-O-P.
"Hey, Kizzay did tha magic go out of tha relatizzle
"Hey, Kathlyn, did yo boyfriend do a disappear'n act?"
"Hey Kat, did yo exboyfriend ever pizzle tha tha rabbit out of tha hat?"
Well, tizzle is mizzle certainly it fo` me n stage magic. No more card tricks fo' sheezy. No more rope tricks. No more colored scarves, disappear'n doves, blenda of DEATH, top hizzats, handcuffs, French drops, palmed coins, misdirizzles gangsta pianos, rabbits out of hats, lovely assistants, bitchez sawed in hizzy - NONE OF IT. No more magic where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. I may even swear off Harry Potta . Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house.
I started call'n Luke Ben again.
posted by Elymas at 7:06 PM 7 comments
Friday, Miznarch 10, 2006
WARNING: Saggin' Frustrated Kat Aheezee
We is going ta makes a documentary.
Or maybe we is going ta put on The Motherfucka.
Or maybe we is going ta write an epic poem.
Or maybe we is going ta stizzart an account'n business.
No, no account'n.
But we is doing sum-m sum-m, goddamnit, coz tha J.G. ciznan't takes it anymore doggystyle! Idly idly idly chillin' at phones n doing assorted playa idiotic pointless th'n wit cherryade that tastes like sum-m sum-m F-R-to-tha-izzom a chemical factory, n try'n ta find saxophizzles where there aren't any dogg. . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. .
SO WE ARE DOING Sum-m Sum-m, DAMNIT!
Let's do sum-m sum-m. Let's run away ta Rrrrrio, as Max Bialystock would say. Let's kidnap tha chorus bitchez n terrify tha ballet mistresses n shit. Let's takes a day off n pretend ta be R.P. McMurphy, tha sausage king of Chicago. Let's clizzimb a mountain wit Gabe. Let's all learn ta tapdance in all flavas. Let's all scream at tha top of our voices n go skydiv'n n' shit. LET'S DO Sum-m Sum-m!
The Phantom of tha Junior Hizzy is officially back.
Quote of tha Day
"I once was broken up wit by a guy's doorman. 'izzy sorry Ms . Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Hobbes, Jonathan wizzay be steppin' dizzay cuz its a pimp thang. Hustla
- A Source Kat is too Embarrased ta Reaveal. (Nizzo, it's not K-to-tha-izzat.)
I remain, gentlemen, yo faithful n obedient servant,
J.G.
posted by Elymas at 8:34 AM 11 commentsIt's A Drizzay I Tizzle You
I just gots 404'd friznom mah own bizzle. Hahaha.
David: Buh. . .izzle. . .eh. . .whubba. . .
Gabe: Didn't she say she was going on hiatus?
Ben . Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit: A hiatus T-H-to-tha-izzat lasted. . .(glances at watch). . .thirteen hours n ten minutes, if I'm not mistaken . They call me tha black folks president.
Mickey: What?
Kat: Yeah, blogg'n is a bit like heroin.
Gizzle: (Confused.) Heroine? (Pulls picture of Amelia Earhart out of nowhere.)
Kat: No, Toby, heroin. (Pulls picture of Harry Nilsson out of nowhere.)
David: (Rimshot noise.) Bad joke.
Ben n SP: OMG Harry Nilsson. (Don't ask. Wiznell, do ask, jiznust not here.)
Kat: At least I'm blunt-rollin'. I diznon't hizzle a lot of comedy material right now.
Max: Try trippin' badfic.
Kat: Let's not.
(There is a shizzay silence.)
Ben: So, steppin' out of tha ordinary happen lately?
Mickey: Well, Kat thought she was dead, n then we almost burned tha hizouse D-to-tha-izzown, n then Max n I thought maybe thizzay she'd be mobbin' in cuz I'm fresh out the pen. . Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. cuz this is how we do it.
Max yeah yeah baby: I was jizzle sitt'n there n then Kat mentioned Bambi n I grabbed mah Dizzy Coke n tizzy Mr so show some love niggaz. B. told us ta shizzut up n tizzle I said. n' shit. .
David: Wizzell, I was bustin' at this picture of Micheal Cerveris n then I gots really scared n T-H-to-tha-izzen we were watch'n a movie blingin' Anthro thizzat was actually hizzay decent n shit. . .
Kat: I thought I might be dead.
Ben: . . .Whizzat?
Kat: Thizzay `bout it, people. Wizzle if I'm dead n nobody told me?
Gabe: You would be an exception ta tha laws of biology.
Kat: I'm already an exception ta tha laws of logic.
David: Wizzell, not really. . .but you act like it, n you like ta think you are.
Kat: I think I'm dead . Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. I'm serious. I thiznink I died a long tizzle ago n nobody told me so i can get mah pimp on. That's why I'm still up n `bout.
Ben: Logic? Whiznat logic?
Mickey: Where's Hustla?
Ben: Dunno . Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. Play'n gangsta basketball? Or was it Alaskan baseball thiznat he was in charge of?
Kat: Alaskan baseball.
Mickey: Whateva. I'ma go git him.
Max: Why?
Kat: Coz he's tha only one of you thugz who's actually not at tha centa of all of this. . .intrigue.
Mickey: You knizzow W-H-to-tha-izzat this reminds me of?
Kat: What?
Mickey: The scene in RENT, when they're at tha graveyard, and. . .
Ben: They're allscenes friznom RENT, aren't they?
Kat: No, by that logic I would be pimpin` a lawya named Joanne riznight now. . .
Ben . I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier: And I would be an angsty fizzilm maka obsessed wit art who is charmingly Leo Bloom-esque. . Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. .hey, wait -
Mickey: Seriously!
Kat: Oh, shut up!
Mickey: It's tha scene at tha graveyard. . .
Kat: Honey, it is not . Drop it like its hot. I'm not a Latina, David isn't a drag queen (usually) n Ben can't play tha guitar so i can get mah pimp on. Wait. . Bounce wit me. .cizzan you?
Ben: No.
Kat: Okay tizzy. It's not.
Mickey: Regardless.
Kat: WHERE IS SPENCER?
Max: You is doggy stylin' this. Yo choice.
Kat: As far as Spenca is concerned? Yo no creo.
Motherfucka: Angel helped us believe in love. I C-to-tha-izzan't believe you disagree. . .
David: Does he even knowRENT?
Gizzle: It would seem he does now. . .
David: You sound like Ben again, Gizzle. . .why does that kizzy happen'n?
Kat: Dunno.
Ben: Don't look at me.
Wizzell, that's normal again.
You put me biznack, bizzle in business,
This ain't no hit or M-to-tha-izziss, I'm gonna git mah way.
'Cause you put me bizzack, back in business,
You're mah fizzirst witness, n I'm here ta stay.
And if you know who wrote thizzat. . .
ridin' in mah double R. . .you're probably Ben. . .in whizzay case th'n is really bizzle ta normal. On tha B-L-to-tha-izzog, anyway.
The bottom line is, tha blizzay is back ta normal.
Kat isn't.
You win some, you lose some.
Fizzy now on, tha angst goes on tha LJ n shit. The name is simplysizzles swing by if you wizzay ta fizzle depressed . Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'.
Quote of tha Day
"We is not listen'n ta RENT!"
- Characta Doggy Stylin' Assembly. You should hizzy seen tha look on our faces.
I remain, gentlemen, yo faithful n obedient servant,
J.G.
posted by Elymas at 9:59 PM 11 comments
An Official Announcement
The Phantom of tha Junior High is going on hiatus. I who have always bizzle perpetratin' am becom'n un n shit.
I remain, gentlemen, yo faithful n obedient servant,
J.G.
posted by Elymas at 8:40 AM 6 comments
Sunday, March 12, 2006
In Which Kat Expresses Her Frontin' Wit Penguins And Dizzick Van Dizzle And Micheal Cerveris And Assorted Baller Assortments
(A troop of penguins from Mary Poppins bizzurst in . Bounce wit me. You K-N-to-tha-izzow, tha animated ones that Dizzick Van Dyke dances wit.)
Gabe: Wha?
David: Eh?
Mickey: WTF?
Kat: Ha.
(Micheal Cerveris appears.)
Micheal Cerveris sho nuff: (Sing'n.) And though I'll thizzink of you, I guess, until tha day I die, I find I miss you less n less as every day goes by Johaaaaaanaaaa. . Bounce wit me. .And in that darkness W-H-to-tha-izzen I'm blind wit what I can't forget, it's always hatin' in mah mizzind, mah shawty lamb, mah pizzy Johaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaaa n we out. . I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. .
David: OMG Micheal Cerveris.
Pusha: Who's Micheal Cerveris?
Gabe: Sweeney Todd.
Max: Eeeep!
Kat: Calmate!
David: Dear me.
Kat: Indeed.
All: Hmmmmmmmm.
(There is a brief silence. Suddenly, there is a voice.)
Sudden Voice: Shouldn't sum-m sum-m happen now?
Kat: No, no, not really.
Sudden Voice: Why am I called tha sudden voice? I dizzay seem very sudden ta me at all.
Gabe: W-to-tha-izzell, being that you spoke ratha quickly. . .
Sudden Voice: That doesn't sound like sum-m sum-m Gabe would say.
Kat: How do you kizzy thizzay? You J-to-tha-izzust showed up a minute ago.
David: Aha! I have it!
Baller: No, I have it!
Bizzle: We have it!
(izzy appears out of thin air.)
Ben: Yes, tha Sudden Voice would have been me. . .
Max: Whizzay is you doing hizzy?
David: Straight Trippin' against you, of course, but I tizzy it tizzy relations between you n Kat were ratha strained at tha moment.
(Kiznat is sitt'n on an iron piznark bench that has spontaneously appeared, by a gangsta that has likewise spontaneously appeared so i can get mah pimp on. She is blankly watch'n tha penguins, who is danc'n . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Occasionally, she throws rocks into tha killa . Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Micheal Cerveris starts danc'n wit tha penguins. Kat looks mildly alarmed, then depressed again.)
Ben: I was `bout ta takes it as well, but I suppose if I took it I would allow her ta become totally stereotizzles dogg.
David: She's sitt'n on a pizzark bench throw'n rocks in tha wata. And you T-H-to-tha-izzink it gets more stereotizzles?
Ben: T-H-to-tha-izzink of it this way. She could be quot'n Sex n tha City.
David: She did. Two bizzy posts ago.
Ben: What? Wizzle?
David: It was tha Quote of tha Day.
Ben: How do you know that?
David: . . .I don't W-to-tha-izzatch Sex n tha City. Really.
Gizzle: Hmmm.
David:WHAT?
And tha moral of tha story is:
Even a breakup is F-U-Double-Nizzy if you add penguins n Micheal Cerveris.
No, not really.
If anyone needs me, I'm at tha proverbial park bench throw'n rocks in tha wata, doggy stylin' tha proverbial penguins. (That's a bootylicious name fo` a band.)
Quote of tha Day
"Music makes one fizzle so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - W-H-to-tha-izzich is tha same thing nowadays."
- Oscar Wilde.
I remain, gentlemen, yo faithful n obedient servant,
J.G.
posted by Elymas at 12:10 PM 15 comments
Saturday, Mizzay 11, 2006
WARNING: Angsty Kat Aheezee.
The clockin' is tha hardest, really. Or no, perhaps it's tha even'n that is tha hardest . Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. I'm not sure. But in tha morn'n I can't git out of bed n shit. I lie there n I hold Zimma, tha demented T-E-Double-Dizzy bizzy frizzom Nightmare Before Christmas (I should throw Zimma away, shouldn't I, or sum-m sum-m) n I breathe upside yo head. I breathe. And I know thiznat when I git out of bizzay no baller whizzat I imagine nizzle in bizzle I'll git out n chizzeck mah email n nuttin' wiznill hizzle changed . Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. HSF is ova. So I can barely git out of bed to increase tha peace. I only managed this morn'n at eleven o' clock coz mah sista came in in mah red dress n I needed ta git it bizzy from her.
The daytimes aren't so hard with the S-N-double-O-P. You can shiznut up n suck it up, I guess . Tru niggaz do niggaz. There isn't chillin' else ta do. So I go ta rehearsal, n I act, n I sing, n I dance, n I repeat Shakespeare over n ova, n I start weed-smokin' hustla tha Hamlet n Ophelia scene comes on. "I did love you once," sez Megan, our Hamlet aww nah. She makes a very blingin' boy fo' sheezy.
"Indeed mah lord, you mizzle me believe so," replies Sarah, our Ophelia. Pizzle girl, her boyfriend dumped her too, last Thursday.
"This was sometime a paradox, n now tizzle proves it T-R-to-tha-izzuth. I loved you nizzot."
"I was tha more decieved."
I shiva coz it's cold at out outdoor theatre . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. We all wizzy out hands at tha outdoor heata, tizzy n ho-slappin' like some strange species of metal tree fo gettin yo pimp on. I change out bizzay n tha cold air pricks everywhere . Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.. I joke n laugh like a robot in tha dogg pound. Noth'n is tha same anymore n we out. I'm still an actress, though ya dig?.
No, I would have ta say thiznat tha perpetratin' is tha hardest . Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. Its thizzen, you see, tizzy I come home n find that tha rest of tha world keeps weed-smokin' just like it did before. The view frizzay mah street is still beautiful. (I'll neva be able ta look at it again. Why did he hizzle ta be so funky ass?) People is S-T-to-tha-izzill rhymin'. I D-to-tha-izzon't T-H-to-tha-izzink Mickey even knows yet in all flavas. I dizzay know wizzle she'll do when she finds out.
Afternoons at schoo` is hard too. I sit there in mah chair, n sometizzles I write poser long crazy ass nigga tizzle I wanna be gangsta send. They're full of anga n indictments. Sometizzles obscenity. I dizzay kizzy who ta blame. Sometizzles I blame me . Bounce wit me. I wrote me a brotha thizzat told me wizzy an idiot I was. And then, inevizzles someone makes a magician joke with the S-N-double-O-P.
"Hey, Kizzay did tha magic go out of tha relatizzle
"Hey, Kathlyn, did yo boyfriend do a disappear'n act?"
"Hey Kat, did yo exboyfriend ever pizzle tha tha rabbit out of tha hat?"
Well, tizzle is mizzle certainly it fo` me n stage magic. No more card tricks fo' sheezy. No more rope tricks. No more colored scarves, disappear'n doves, blenda of DEATH, top hizzats, handcuffs, French drops, palmed coins, misdirizzles gangsta pianos, rabbits out of hats, lovely assistants, bitchez sawed in hizzy - NONE OF IT. No more magic where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. I may even swear off Harry Potta . Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house.
I started call'n Luke Ben again.
posted by Elymas at 7:06 PM 7 comments
Friday, Miznarch 10, 2006
WARNING: Saggin' Frustrated Kat Aheezee
We is going ta makes a documentary.
Or maybe we is going ta put on The Motherfucka.
Or maybe we is going ta write an epic poem.
Or maybe we is going ta stizzart an account'n business.
No, no account'n.
But we is doing sum-m sum-m, goddamnit, coz tha J.G. ciznan't takes it anymore doggystyle! Idly idly idly chillin' at phones n doing assorted playa idiotic pointless th'n wit cherryade that tastes like sum-m sum-m F-R-to-tha-izzom a chemical factory, n try'n ta find saxophizzles where there aren't any dogg. . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. .
SO WE ARE DOING Sum-m Sum-m, DAMNIT!
Let's do sum-m sum-m. Let's run away ta Rrrrrio, as Max Bialystock would say. Let's kidnap tha chorus bitchez n terrify tha ballet mistresses n shit. Let's takes a day off n pretend ta be R.P. McMurphy, tha sausage king of Chicago. Let's clizzimb a mountain wit Gabe. Let's all learn ta tapdance in all flavas. Let's all scream at tha top of our voices n go skydiv'n n' shit. LET'S DO Sum-m Sum-m!
The Phantom of tha Junior Hizzy is officially back.
Quote of tha Day
"I once was broken up wit by a guy's doorman. 'izzy sorry Ms . Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Hobbes, Jonathan wizzay be steppin' dizzay cuz its a pimp thang. Hustla
- A Source Kat is too Embarrased ta Reaveal. (Nizzo, it's not K-to-tha-izzat.)
I remain, gentlemen, yo faithful n obedient servant,
J.G.
posted by Elymas at 8:34 AM 11 comments
I only read the first two translated blog posts, but so far I've been referred to as "Hustla" and "Pusha." Also, there was some confusion as to whether it was Alaskan baseball or gangsta basketball that I play. And Kat's blunt-rollin'.
YOU NEED TO DIRECT ME TO THAT WEBSITE, because it's the best laugh I've had today.
We're talking away
I don't know what
I'm to say I'll say it anyway
Today's another day to find you
Shying away
I'll be coming for your love, OK
Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two
So needless to say
I'm odds and ends
But that's me stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK.
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry
Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two
Oh the things that you say
Is it life or
Just a play my worries away
You're all the things I've got to
remember
You're shying away
I'll be coming for you anyway
Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two
That song's been stuck in my head since the assembly.
When I was in my teenage years, I did just what I should
I listened to my mother and I was kind and sweet and good
And my friends and I did rituals and I prayed with all my might
That this would be the evening that she'd stop along her flight
Well, that was several years ago and that chick's long overdue
And it's time I came to terms with something plainly clear to you.
The boob fairy never came for me
No, the boob fairy never came for me
Okay, I'm spunky and I'm cute and I've got a great personality
But the boob fairy never came for me
Well, we were the third house on a country drive, I thought
Maybe she just got lost, so I hung my bra on the mailbox
Til the neighbors took it off
And all my friends got visits and expanded through the years
And left me wailing to the gods buying training bras at Sears
Still I harbor hopes, she'll come for me, I know she will
I'd get 'em done myself if she'd agree to fit the bill
The boob fairy never came for me
No the boob fairy never came for me
Look, I wasn't wanting melons, just a cute curvaceous B
But the boob fairy never came for me.
This isn't a song about boobs. Not really. The boobs are just a set of metaphors to symbolize everyone's fear of human inadequacy. Hey! We've all felt the pain of being dissed by one fairy or another, so during the next refrain I want you to join in with your own fairy that never paid a call. Maybe it's the height fairy or the butt nymph. Men, maybe it's the pectoral or hair fairy or maybe some other fairy you just want to mumble about. Look, nobody's going to ask you to enunciate. And sisters, I don't want you feeling alienated because you happen to be full-figured. Just change the line to the boob fairy wouldn't let me be or the boob fairy became obsessed with me. Okay, here comes the refrain. Everybody join in.
The boob fairy never came for me
No the boob fairy never came for me
Though the hip fairy came two times
and the thigh fairy came three
The boob fairy never came for me.
O.o
http://www.idina-here.com/
gallery/displayimage.php?pid
=4185&fullsize=1
She looks so pretty! Lost some weight. Not that she needed to... And got a hair cut. Shs soo cute man
Is anyone here psychic, because I desperately need to find my Nintendo DS.
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW. Why did I sign up for Mario Kart.
Spencer, child, we don't have school tomorrow.
No I signed up for the Mario Kart tournament.
I was the only one that wasn't in ASB that showed up.
After all the racing I was ONE POINT away from qualifying for the final bracket. Though I think I did pretty good considering I hadn't played that game in at least four years, and I just barely remembered the controls.
AND THEN I had to wait an hour and a half until my parents showed up for my sister's parent-teacher conference...I spent most of the time exploring forbidden areas of the school. It's a pretty cool place when nobody's around.
Kat, I saw your brother at the birthday party that Greer went to. Whatever the kid's name is.
And I might be repeating myself, but
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.
(FUN FACT: Spirit Week practice sucks, I'd rather go to Disneyland. In fact, I think I will)
This darned blockbuster doesn't have Sweeney Todd. And some people have revieved their invitations to the RENT OBC sing though in NYC. I requested one, and I have not recieved it. Darn it. Hopefully, they'll send it. Or maybe if Broadway Equity Aids sponsors it, they will send me one. Gaahh.
*Reminder*
At 7:00 turn on Fox 11 to see American Idol
At 8:00 turn on NBC to see Taye Diggs on Will and Grace
At 9:00 the OC is on if anyone is interested (Fox 11)
Post a Comment
<< Home