In Which Kat Gets In Touch With Her Feminine Side, With Disastrous Results

Kat can't sleep, so you're recieving this update from a yellow pad. Now then. Seeing as I am, in fact, a girl - what do you mean you didn't know!? Don't tell me you missed my Johnny Depp outburst in the Point of No Return, and then there's my Erik fixation, but enough about my obsessions. Seeing as yes it's true, I'm female, I recently came into contact with a magazine entitled ELLEgirl. Apparently its editors have capitalization issues.

The lucky, chipper, and joyous presenter of this magazine to me was Jazz, one of my sole female friends. "Oooh! Kitty! This is the perfect magazine to get you in touch with your feminine side!"

Note: The only person who are allowed to call me Kitty are Jazz and Laurelann. Anyone else will be punjabbed.

"Oh, really?" Well, what would you have said?

"Yes, ooh, yes. So, let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. . ."

After a speedy reactment of the "Sound of Music," Jazz demanded as to what my horoscope sign was.

"Er. Capricorn." I had been informed of this by my Aunt, after which she went on to tell me of her past lives, both in Atlantis and as an Egyptian Princess. I, of course, hung on her every word.

"Ooh, goody." As you may have noticed, Jazz says ooh a lot. "Okay, here's your horoscope!" As is it's wont, chaos insued. It's becoming quite good at that, you know, especially in the confines of this blog. Not to mention Capture the Flag, and all that.

I reproduce the horoscope here, in all its glory, and with my commentary. Warning, terrible attempts at poetic language ahead.

"Love is about to blossom like a rose in the morning dew." Oh dear. "But don't drop your friends. Spread your love evenly, like butter on toast." Toast, buttered toast. Got it.

Luke: Buttered toast!

Kat: . . .

"Or, for Australians, vegimite." Oh, good, I was getting worried for all those poor Australians who apparently don't know what butter is.

Thus I leave you with these gems from ELLEgirl. "Jesse McCartney Is The Ideal Man." That was for you, Geer. "Where to Shop In Scandinavia?" The Order of the Silk Lavender Punjab Lasso will be bestowed upon whosoever figures out which PotO character is Scandinavian. "How Do You Dump A German Boy When You Don't Speak German?" It, unfortunately, did not explain how you were dating a German boy when you don't speak German in the first place.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.