The Life And Times Of Physical Education

I really loathe PE. To an extent none of you will ever understand in any way, shape, or form. Max, you won't understand it because you actually - I cannot fathom why - like sports. Ben, you won't understand it because for some terribly unfair reason, you appear to be credibly good at sports. Sane Personage, you won't understand it because you are long out of junior high school. Spencer - hey, you might actually understand it! Gabe, you like volleyball and swimming, so you won't get it. I, however, detest all sports in all their forms, with the exception of water basketball, which isn't even a sport, but a brutal ritual which people may die in and in which murders are acceptable.

Some Ways To Make Sure Kat Will Miss A Frisbee

1. Point out a butterfly nearby. She dislikes butterflies, and prefers moths, so will jump away.
2. Suggest that this is a crucial game point.
3. Throw her a frisbee.

Some Creative Ways Coaches Pronounce Ben's Surname

1. Whistlehoofen
2. Wontona
3. Blamek, for some unfathomable reason.

Possible Reasons We Are Playing Capture The Flag

1. It's an arcane ritual to summon Rasputin from the dead
2. Covert military training, Bush conspiracy
3. To keep us childishly innocent, and therefore keep us from the obvious conclusion that Santa is a member of the Illuminati.

Various Things Max And Gabe Might Be Doing While We Are In Regular PE

1. Photo shoots for J14
2. Rendevous with Meg Giry
3. They might actually be playing baseball/volleyball, but that's too farfetched.

Rabbit

1. Flammable liquids
2. Whirligig
3. Spencer

And thus I leave you.

Ben: Wait! Wait!

Max: As the resident common sense monitors -

Sane Personage: We would like to -

Ben: - point out -

Max: - that that last list -

Gabe: - made no sense!

Spencer: It made perfect sense to me.

Ben: WHAT?!

Kat: (Mysterious grin.) Mwahahaa!

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.