In Which Kat Does Tell You What Happened Saturday

To satisfy the enquired echylon, the fascinated family, the nosy nonstrangers, the curious cohorts, the alliterative angels, and the contrary commentors. . .

This is the extremely non-interesting-to-all-but-Kat-and-Ben, who isn't even reading this, account of exactly what happened on Saturday.

It began, as so many things seem to, with a Tim Burton movie. Or perhaps it began with a bunch of crazy actors dumping water in an orchestra pit. Or perhaps it was merely the fact that Kat's sister went into kindergarten. It may even have been something as mundane as the fact that Kat and Ben were friends. (Which is not to say Kat and Ben usually act exactly mundane.)

The Tim Burton movie was called "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride." Kat doesn't remember what the crazy actors were called, but the play they were in was called "Dead End." And as for Kat's sister in kindergarten, well, she had a classmate whose father was one of the crazy actors.

Max: Get to the point. . .

Gabe: Yeah.

Spencer: Yeah.

Julian: Yeah.

David: Yeah.

Ben: (Very definitely doesn't say yeah.)

Max: What's with him?

Kat: He's temporarily immobilized, I think. The incarnation of him that exists within the blog, anyway. For you see. . .(Glasses suddenly grow out of her face, and she looks very teacherly as Ely pulls a blackboard out of the air and Erika begins to explain. . .)

Erika: You see, it's like this. According to the laws of bloggish physics, Ben isn't here, for much the same reason as Gabe wasn't here when he was in Santa Where-ever. Their blog-selves are temporarily cryogenically frozen in space-time. As Ben is off doing whatever it is high school freshman do in Joshua Tree, Blog!Ben is temporarily not really here. Spiritually, at least.

Ely: What she said, only happier, and with squealing involved.

Kat: Exactly.

Ben: Clearly.

Gabe: But I thought he. . .

Kat: (Turns to Gabe and, a la John Cleese, when Terry Gilliam says "Supposing he's got a bunch?" declares. . .) Shut up!

Gabe: But you. . .

Nadir: Don't question her when she gets like this.

Erika: I should explain that if the person is needed to say a crucial catchphrase, or a line that they just sort of have to say, they're suddenly mobilized. For example. . .random.

Ben: No, Random was a character. . .

Kat: (Snaps her fingers, suddenly, blackboard and glasses disappear and Ben stops talking.)

Max: Wha. . .whassa. . .

Kat: Well, guys, I'm afraid that I am in completely omnipotent control of what happens in my blog, therefore everything Erika just said to you was completely untrue and inconsistent. But not really. Basically, you live and die on my whim. (Sudden Porky Pig-esque circle around her.)

Ely: Th-th-th-th-that's all folks!

(The circle closes. Black out. Suddenly, Kat pokes her head through.)

Kat: Ohhh yes, what happened Saturday. . .Well, basically Ben and I went to see Dead End and Corpse Bride. Dead End was. . .interesting. The set is insanely gorgeous. Corpse Bride is just wonderful. It's very PotJHish. (That was not a word in so many ways. . .) Anyway. It was quite a lovely time.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.