Mel Brooks 'n' More.

HEY! YOU LOT!

Now that I have your attention. . .

Come. See. Kat's. Show. Or. Be. Punjabbed.

Kat is serious. The show is this Saturday at four o'clock. It'll last until 5:30 or so. And I command you all to come. It's at the Theatricum Botanicum in Topanga. This is a direct order. If it rains (and it better not) I will provide you with further information. (And if it rains, Mr. Host, you should come to wherever we perform instead of DL. Cherryade or no cherryade, you are one of the only people on the planet who can actually tell me if I'm any good in shows without feeding me pointless BS.) (Whee, acronyms.)

In other news. . .In honor of Kat's rediscovery of her sense of humor, we present the PotJH production of "Keep it Gay," from The Producers. (Kat's overdosed on The Producers.)

MAX:
Listen, Spencer, did you get a chance yet to read the latest blog posting?

SPENCER:
Read it? As soon as it was published! I for one, for instance, never realized that Kat could be so angsty.

MAX:
Yeah, how 'bout that? Kat, are you going to change it?

KAT:
Change it? Of course not.

GABE:
The J.G.'s so obsessed
With dramas so depressed
We've got to cheer her up again someway.
Blogs should be more pretty
Blogs should be more witty
Blogs should be more...
What's the word?

BEN:
Gay?

GABE:
Exactly!
No matter what madness is wrote in this place
Keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay!
Whether it's Shakespeare, or the Phantom's face
Don't complain, it's a pain
Keep it gay!

BEN:
People want in-jokes when they read a blog
The last thing they're after's an angsty long slog

MAX AND SPENCER:
A little fanfic will pep up your post. . .

DAVID:
The Phantom's real cool
If he punjabs Raoul,
Keep it gay!
Keep it gay!
Keep it gay!

BEN:
Couldn't agree with you more. And you have our blessings, Kathlyn, to make the Phantom of the Junior High just as gay as anyone could possibly want.

MAX:
So, c'mon, do it for us, please.

KAT:
No, sorry, Max, but it's simply not my cup of tea. Still, fair is fair, perhaps I should ask my production team what they think.
This is my set designer, Javert of Les Miz.

JAVERT:
Keep it glad, keep it mad, keep it gay!

KAT:
And here's my costume designer, Angel.

ANGEL:
Hello...
Keep it happy, keep it snappy, keep it gay!

ANGEL AND JAVERT:
We're clever, creative
It's our job to see
That ev'rything's perfect to ev'ry degree!

KAT:
Next, Douglas Adams, my endangered species protector. . .

DNA:
Hi there...

KAT:
And, ah, finally, last and least, my lighting designer, the Phantom of the Opera!

ERIK:
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay.

SPENCER:
I don't think we're getting to her, Ben. What do we do now?

BEN:
Watch this. Kathlyn, listen. I think that brightening the blog would be a marvelous opportunity for you. I mean, up to now,
you've always been associated with - dare I say it - frivolous tragedies.

GABE:
That doesn't make any sense at all.

KAT:
But Ben's right. I've often felt as though I've been throwing my life away on depressing little existential angstiness. Trying to be a Hot Box showgirl in a gooey gown. Two-three-kick-turn! Turn-turn-kick-turn!

AARON:
(My Theatricum Director.)
Oh, Kathlyn.

KAT:
It's enough to make you heave. Nonetheless, sorry, Max. I just couldn't brighten up the blog.

MAX:
Why not? Think of the in-jokes.

KAT:
No.

GABE:
Think of the fanfiction.

ROGER:
No, no, no.

BEN:
Think of. . .the MUFFINS!

ALL:
Muffins. . .muffins. . .muffins!

KAT:
Ngaaaaaahhhhh!

GABE:
What's the matter?

SP:
Is she all right?

MICKEY:
She's having a stroke...

BEN AND DAVID:
What?

MICKEY:
...of genius!

KAT:
I see it! I see it! At last. The chance to do something important!

MAX:
Disgruntled Kitty presents comedy!

KAT:
Of course my entire life would have to be rewritten. She can't stand her family? Excuse me. It's too downbeat.
But maybe. . .it's a wild idea, but it just might work. . .
I see a line of maddened POTJHers
Dressed as Bohemian folks, each one a gem
With yummy baked goods and great spring break trips
It's risque, dare I say, LA VIE BOHEME!!

MICKEY:
Love it!

KAT:
I see Phantom characters dancing through France
Played by Hugh Panaro (in very tight pants)
And wait, there's more - Kat plays small parts no more!
And the dances she'll do will be daring and new
Turn-turn-kick-turn, turn-turn-kick-turn
One-two-three-kick-turn!
Keep it sassy, keep it classy, keep it...

DAVID:
That is brilliant. Brilliant! Kathlyn, I speak for the POTJHers and myself when I say that you are the only man -

KAT:
Woman. . .

DAVID:
. . .Oh, really? The only woman in the world who can do justice to the brightening of the blog. Will you do it, please?

BEN:
Please.

KAT:
Wait a minute. This is a very big decision. It might effect the course of my entire life.
I shall have to think about it. . .

(Jeopardy music.)

I'll do it. I'll do it!
And now, non alcoholic champagne!

ALL:
If at the end you want them to cheer
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay
Whether we're creeping out Mr. M., or thinking he's queer
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay

MICKEY:
Randomness is joyous, a constant delight
Teen angst annoys us. . .

ALL:
. . .and ruins our night.
So keep your cherryade and family at bay
Keep it light
Keep it bright
Keep it gay!!

---

And just in case you didn't hear me, my loves. . .

Come. See. Kat's. Show. Or. Be. Punjabbed.

Kat is serious. The show is this Saturday at four o'clock. It'll last until 5:30 or so. And I command you all to come. It's at the Theatricum Botanicum in Topanga. This is a direct order. If it rains (and it better not) I will provide you with further information. (And if it rains, Mr. Host, you should come to wherever we perform instead of DL. Cherryade or no cherryade, you are one of the only people on the planet who can actually tell me if I'm any good in shows without feeding me pointless BS.) (Whee, acronyms.)

---

So anyway, something weird happened today.

Kat: (Wakes up much too late.)

Someone Unexpected: (Calls Kat.) (NB It's not who you think it is. Unexpected to allof you. If it was exected to one of you, I'd call them someone expected.)

Kat: 0.O ROMAN?

Roman: (Kid from Theatricum.) Kat, I need a home for an iguana. . .

Kat: (Hangs up.) It's too early for iguanas.

It: (Isn't too early.)

Kat: Ho hum. I am bored. (Walks downstairs. Does a double take.)

(Sitting on the kitchen counter is a fish tank. With fish in it. Instead of, you know, like, iguanas. By the fish tank is a note from Aunt Shirley, saying, "There are other fish in the sea.")

Kat: O.0 WTF?

Time: (Goes by.)

So I have fish now, given to me by my Aunt. The two goldfish are named Rogers and Hammerstein, the silver fish with red fins is Mr. Sweeney Todd, the silver fish with silver fins is Sondheim, the minnow is named Rabbit, and the blowfish who likes to hide out in the coral and thinks he's too good for everyone I have decided to call Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Quote of the Day

"If the water's happy, you're doing something wrong."

- Gabe. See, I used it.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.