More of Sweeney: Condensed

(Scene Four: The Worst Pies In. . .Wow, Aren't You Mrs Potts? and Two Quasi Sexual Obsessions - Oops, We Mean, "My Friends.")

Lovett: (Chops suet with wicked looking Knife of Sharp D00m.)

Todd: (Comes in.) Oh, wrong store. . .(Starts to exit.)

Lovett: OMGWTFACUSTOMER! (Flourishes knife.) Stay, or fear my awesome knife skillz of knife stabbage.

Todd: No, ma'am, I have the wrong shop. See, I'm looking for a sort of chubby-ish woman with sort of reddish hair done in a Baby Spice kinda hairdo.

Lovett: That's me. Ignore the leather and all, I've just changed a bit over the years.

Todd: DEAR GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ANGELA LANSBURY?

Lovett: Ate her. Now, have some pie.

Todd: Okay. She was kind of scary anyway.

Lovett: (Brushes living organisms that have evolved to quite an extent off of the pies.) I wonder why no one buys them? I mean, I don't put cats in them like that Mooney woman. . .

Some Guy in the Audience: Heee, Mooney. . .

Lovett: (Throws knife ninja style.)

Some Guy: (Pwned.)

Todd: Can I please go now?

Lovett: Not until we do more plot exposition! (Proceeds to inform Todd of his wife's rape and his daughter's kidnapping.)

Todd: OH NO!

Lovett: So it is you, Eugene P. Thistlewaite!

(Silence.)

Todd: . . .What?

Lovett: Oh. Um. Hey, are you Benjamin Barker?

Todd: NO! NO I AM NOT AND MY OVER REACTION IN NO WAY DEMONSTRATES THAT I AM NOT WHO I CLAIM TO BE!

Lovett: But wait! I kept your razors!

Todd: Oh, that's all right then. The Judge's time has come.

Lovett: Whatever. You know, my bedroom is the third door on the right.

Todd: What'll we do now?

Lovett: I've got some ideas! (Winkety wink wink.)

Todd: Hey, how about we sing about our corresponding quasi sexual obsessions?

Lovett: Yeah!

Todd and Lovett: (Do so.)

The Audience: WTF.

Some Woman in the Audience: Bill, this is nothing like Into the Woods!

Bill: Sorry, I didn't realize all of Webber's hits had gone to Stephen's head this way.

Todd: AT LAST, MY RIGHT ARM IS COMPLETE AGAIN!

Lovett: You are so sexy.

Audience: ohmygodhideusfromthecrazypeople

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That's all for now.

By the way:

Hughsical: (n) : A musical involving or featuring the lopsided awesomeness that is Hugh Panaro.

Quote of the Day

"The callous shadows mock and make it clear some things were not enough to make you stay."

- Lestat. The Hughsical which closed yesterday.

Your good friend,
Sidhe Todd