It's Gonna Be A Happy New Year!

Hey! It's New Year's Eve, kiddies!

And, in your honor, a PotJH parody of the Rent Happy New Year song. Why? Because I can. And because something has to keep Mickey happy.

KAT
Now, to the cluttered floor. New Year's brillant eve. The making-resolutions-we-won't-keep party. . .

MICKEY
How long til next year?

GABE
Around forty two minutes. . .

MICKEY
(To Anthony.)
I'm being nice to mices!
I will relax back in school
Cluttered surface or not
This year's been so hot
As long as I've got you
The others are fools. . .

GABE
(Washing the floor.)
I cannot crack the cleaning code, here -
Do we have a gadget to make the mop explode?
It's gonna be a Happy New Year
A Happy New Year!

(Mickey opens a bottle of NAC. Non Alcoholic Champagne.)

BEN
(Entering.)
Commentors - clear -
Mic - you're supposed to be working
(Taking the NAC.)
That's for midnight
Where's Julian?
There isn't much time -

GABE
Maybe they're dressing
I mean, what does one wear that's PotJH-esque
For a party with a group committing crimes?

KAT
(Entering with lunch meat.)
Spam, anyone?

MICKEY
You can take the girl out of Python
But you can't take the Python out
Of the girl. . .

KAT
My Rent got onto your TV -
Treat me like royalty

BEN
Be nice you two
Or no nonalcoholic Champagne

KAT
Don't mind if I do -
(To Gabe, who is still trying futilely to wash the blog floor.)
No luck?

GABE
Cluttered over, chaos - it's a pain!
A total Dead End

BEN
Or Corpse Bride, my. . .friends?

KAT
(On cellular phone.)
Julian. . .?
I know you're there...
Please pick up the phone
Are you coming today?

It's not funny
It's not fair
Well how can Max atone?
Is he okay?

MAX
(On phone, grabbing it from Julian on the other end.)
I lose control
But I can learn to behave
Give me one more chance
Give me a teddy to save!

KAT
(Grumbling at her uncomfy shoes.)
I'll hate these Doc Martens
These rip offs of Doc Martens. . .
(To Julian and Max.)
Do you two have anything to say?

(Julian enters.)

BEN
Looks like things are okay -
Down Kat
Heel. . .stay.

Hope our reputations aren't besmirched
Well, our taxes are all paid -
Brossy, get Max some water,
There's hope
But just in case

MAX
Coke?

KAT
We can make water look fine -

JULIAN
Max will never escape!
He'll get a new hat -

KAT
That's dense.

MICKEY
I can't take you as chums. . .

KAT
Start cleaning. . .wench

MICKEY
Gak!

KAT
I think I should be waltzing
Yet I forget
Forget how to begin. . .

I'm feeling something inside
And yet I still can't decide
If I should hide
Or make a wide open grin. . .

Last year I wanted just to disappear
My life was dust
But now it just might be a Happy New Year!

BROSSY
(Entering.)
Bond - James Bond -

KAT
I thought you were Miss. Galore - In person

BROSSY
(Noticing Max's new diet.)
Kathlyn - you were prepared!

KAT
I was a Brownie once -
And a Boy Scout!
Until my mom got scared!

BROSSY
Aha! Mickey - my martini!

MICKEY
Will nonalcoholic champagne do?

ROGER
That's shaken - not stirred

BEN
Quiet, you dolts!

KAT
Just Say The Word!

GABE
(Frantically cleaning.)
Two minutes left to execute my plan. . .

JULIAN
Where's everyone else?

BEN
Playing Spiderman!

KAT
Ironic end is right
Happy New Year and sleep tight
Once the Kat's out of the bath terror of dog fear is gone
The power mysteriously comes on.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.