The Morning Report

Salve and namarie for the second time today. This is the J.G. with your regular Kat update. Well then, let's turn it over to Erik for the weather.

Erik: (Walks onstage, looking sharp in business suit and pointer.) Ah then, the weather, messieurs.

Fred Weasley: There's a stage? I didn't know that was here.

Kat: I didn't know you were here. Hush, let Erik get on with it.

Erik: (Ahem.) We're expecting highs in Persia, specifically near the opium stalls. In Boston we'll be having a rather unexpected rain of Diet Coke, so bring an umbrella, and - (Throws down script.) Who the hell wrote this?

Foaly: Well, I made the predictions, but he wrote it down. (Jerks thumb at Artemis Fowl.)

Artemis: (Splutters incoherently.) Butler!

Butler: (Muffled shrieks.)

Erika: Hmm, fascinating, mechanics of the Punjab lasso. . .

Erik: You can't kill the Eurasian, we're in the middle of the weather and he's supposed to handle sport reporting.

Ben: "Can't" would not appear to be the operative word. Nor would Punjab, is it isn't a word.

Max: Please, don't start that again. I'll go on and on about Tort Reform if you do. Heck, I'll finish my debate club speech. Plus the one on Universal Health Care. Go on about the Diet Coke rain in Boston.

Erik: (Ahem.) Getting back to the matter at hand. In the Imagination quadrant of Kat's mind we're unfortunately having a drought, and in the Fan Fiction account we're having a technical problem, which isn't really weather, and that damnable centaur has it wro - (Glances at Artemis.) You really did write this.

Artemis: Er, yes.

Kat: All right, you people. Since you just can't let Erik finish up, we're simply going to print the transcript. And that's what you get.

The Randomness quadrant and Blog county are still fruitful, fortunately, although there would appear to be a few clouds in the Comments city. We're expecting an all time high of three storms in the Blog county today, and one with graphics, so keep yourself updated and do your part as a citizen by commenting. Also, the storm we're having at the moment would appear to be going on for a rather long time. The Original Fiction region should enjoy a slight revival, as Kat's gotten inspiration as far as her Jame's Cafe story goes. Since she's been writing phan fiction, it's been having a bit of a lack of sun, but it should warm up there soon. Her Les Mis fiction county hasn't had any sun in two years, but there's hope for it's citizens yet, though most of them are just so despondent that it doesn't really need rain anyway.

The Friends and Social Region is way up in sun, because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, AKA A Certain Boy Whose Name Will Not Be Mentioned, was caught looking at Kat. You hear me? Looking at her! HA! Though the cities of Ninja has been having a problem with the Confusion region. The Confusion Region is rather cold at the moment, as for some reason Ben and Max have started to make sense to her. As a result, the Mental Health region is getting a bit barren. The Getting Away With Things county is way up in rain, as Kat has been getting away with quite a lot recently, especially where a rather dimwitted choir T.A. is concerned.

The Bizarre Theories city is seeing quite a lot of hail, actually, because of Spencer's theory that one should dance while playing dodgeball and one will not get out. The Confusion region is consequently up a bit, especially because this particular Bizarre Theory seems to actually work.

Also, the order of the universe was severely disturbed by Kat's team winning at dodgeball twice, and Kat staying in until the very end twice. Odd. Highly odd, because she really has less hand eye coordination than. . .well. . .Ely. And that's saying a lot.

Kat: Fred! FRED! Put down the Punja - FRED!

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.