Max, the Poetic Dog, Or, Kat's Strange Childhood Influences

You may ask yourself, when did Kat become so completely mad? Well, here are the books that were my favorites as a little kid. They are the “Max” books by Maira Kalman. Who is a genius. They’re these fantastically zany picture books with messily painted illustrations. About a dog named Max. Go figure. No, not that Max. This Max is a dreamy, crazy, eccentric, poet, instead of a dreamy, crazy, eccentric, politician. Max the dog is quite abstract and a bit…gentler and less…volatile than Max the Liberal Kid.

This Dog was born in New York, otherwise known as Heaven, and has traveled to France, Japan, and other places the world knows nothing of. These words of wisdom hail from his time in Hollywood, directing and writing a movie. They remind me of myself, and other things.

Random Words Of Wisdom Courtesy of Max

“Leon, anyone can be normal. But to be an idiot, that’s something.”

- Max

“Have you no brains? Have you no eyes? No talent of any kind? I am going mad. Simply mad.”

- Max

Now that one sounds like me.

“Life is full of surprrreeezes, no?”

“Yes, yes, and yes.”

“I don’t agree.”

“What do you mean, you don’t agree?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean? I’m not sure that in the big picture life is full of surprises. Perhaps everything is foretold.”

“Are you saying fate or some omniscient being controls our lives? That’s ridiculous.”

“No it’s not. I would refer you to Shopenhauer and his treatise ‘The World as Will and Representation,’ in which he clearly –“

“Not the Shopenhauer again, you’re giving me a headache. If I’m wrong, you have to be wrong. Wrong, wrong, and forever wrong.”

“You are wrong to infinity.”

“You are wrong to the utmost extension of pi.”

“You are wronger than the outfit my Aunt Edith wore to Hilda’s engagement party.”

“I can’t top that.”

- Bernie, Ferrrrnando Extra Debonaire, and Diddo

This was the literature of five year old Kat. Fear me.

“When the script is written, you search the globe for a star. That is called casting. When you have found the absolute perfect person in every way you have to change them over completely.”

- Max

“Watch your step in this town. There are some power hungry, status seeking vegetarians here.”

- Ferrrnando Extra Debonaire

Hm. Power hungry vegetarians…hey, Ben, do we know any of those?

“Max, be careful. Of the big banana peel, of the cream pie in your face. Beware.”

- Crepes Suzette

I could just as well apply this one to our Max and myself.

Now do you understand why I’m so completely off my head? It’s all Max and Maira Kalman’s faults.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.