When Did I Forget How To Cry?

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for some angst. Because angst is part of being Kat Kire. You're an Erik, you're an Erik, with all the hell and high water that comes with it. Fun, right?

When did I forget how to cry? I can't cry any more. There are just no tears left in me. I didn't love crying, you understand, but still, it was nice, once, to be able to let out all of the hurt and conflict and just noisily bawl in the most deliciously immature way. I sometimes wonder how PotO would have turned out if Erik and Co. had just been able to really have a good cry sometimes. The only ones I can see doing that would be Christine and Reza. I'd like to say Raoul, but I'm currently coming to terms with his coolness. I feel guilty for loving him, but it's true that he is at least tolerable to me right now. And I'd certainly love to say Nadir, as he is my current person to fangirl, but unfortunately he's too reserved. Which is, incidentally, one of the reasons I love him. Ah, the irony.

I'd like to remember how to cry. I guess I could start with remembering how to be properly sad. It's just that some days I just feel so permanently sad that there isn't any more room for sadness, just fear and this weird apathy, like I don't care what happens. Because in the end I just don't. My teachers are always onto me about what will happen if I don't do my work, or if I fall behind, or if, if, if. What they don't realize is that I don't really give a fop what they do or say. No one's opinion matters to me but mine. And the reviewers of my fan fiction. And a certain boy whose name will not be mentioned.

I think people think that I'm constantly trying to con them. Well, most of the time I actually am, but it would be nice to be considered sincere for once. I'm a little lonely with everyone thinking that all I'm trying to do with my feelings is manipulate people.

Erik: A little lonely? Silly girl, you should have expected it when you modeled yourself after me. All Phantoms are lonely. It is our nature, take it or leave it.

Max: Lonely? What about the nosy Nadir-like figures?

Erika: (Disdainful glare) What about them?

Ben: Erika, we have a thing on earth -

Ford Prefect: HAD!

Ben: HAD a thing on earth, called tact.

Nadir: I don't mind, really.

Kat: Which is exactly the problem with you! You let everyone and their Siren walk all over you!

Nadir: Wait -

Erik: She's right, you know.

Max: It's true.

Ford: What he said.

Ben: (Sheepish glance) I wouldn't know. I haven't read Leroux.

Kat: (Throws copy of PotO at him)

Max: I know you'll agree that Raoul is really okay.

Ford: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about Raoul. (Ahem) He is a fop.

Kat: Internationally accepted definition. Raoul is roughly synonymous with fop, as is fop with Raoul.

Ben: (Picks up book, then says absently as he begins to read) Carry on.

Kat: How can you deny this would be a great TV show?

Max: What?!

Ben: Kat. Remember, you were writing angsty stuff?

Kat: Er, it. . .left.

Max: (In order to be In Character) Eric. EricEricEricEricEric. Eric.

Kat, Ely, Erik, and Erika: (All attack, agreeing for possibly the first time in their lives)

Nadir and Ben: (Walk quietly away)

Right. Before I get even more hopelessly off topic, we better close here. Has anyone else forgotten how to cry? Do they give crying lessons? Tutorials? Tell me, or a disaster beyond your collective imagination will occur.

Behold, she is blogging to bring down the chandelier!

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.