Artemis, Among Other Things

There's a new Artemis Fowl book out, which I thought for about eighteen seconds was a good thing. Then I picked it up. This new book, titled, "The Opal Deception," although it's about one of the more intriguing characters, Opal Koboi, is quite a removal from the unconventional wit Eoin Colfer has used to sustain the series thus far. Each installment before this one, from the first to the last, had been quite a pleasurable if not earthshaking read, mainly because of Colfer's tendency to insert comical comments (Alliteration! Fifty points and a muffin!) into his writing on what the characters are doing.

Goodness, that wasn't very monosyllabic. Have we lost Max again? Did we find him since losing him last time?

In this new book, the memory wiped Arty seems a tad bit flat. To have him playing the one note villian again is a bit of a let-down, especially after he had seemed to have reformed so well last time around. Ah, well. Also, this plot choice would appear to have removed his love/hate relationship with Captain Short effectively. Allow me to inform you that the Holly-Artemis friendship is one of my favorites. Right after Nadir-Erik and Childermass-Norrel, etc., etc.. Without that, what I've read so far is just not worth it. Though if Arty's memories come back, things may get better. My dear friend Hannah is all about an ArtemisHolly pairing. I think that's cute, but somehow Arty would be better off with a nice, human, cynical, female-doggish girl who could make him really really mad. And that he could waltz with. It is my strange opinion that everyone should waltz. A lot. Yes, Max, that is true, I do think that, but at parties, I generally prefer to just dance. Easiest thing in the world.

But I'm getting off topic. Now that I'm done with Artemis, now for "among other things." We have another reader! OAYe! Mizamour, welcome to the strange world of non-alternate reality, as Ben said. Please leave your sanity at the front desk, and do not bring in any conservative propaganda or Jimmy Hahn supporting fliers, as Max would say. And I now have an intensely random idea - each of my readers shall be given titles! Do as the Random-Battlecry does. But here is my twist to it. I shall bestow upon you a position in my Opera. And I demand that all my readers suggest a name for the Opera. Hm.

Ben, you are already the Nosy Nadir Like Figure. Max was too, but I've decided one is enough. Max, you therefore shall be. Um. Er. Not Raoul. Raoul's got to be someone I despise.

Max shall be - aha! There is one other Nosy Nadir Like Figure! Aaand that is. . .Madame Giry! Max, dear, you are now the ballet mistress. Er. Yes. Before you kill me, moving on. . .the tough one is Mizamour. Who shall you be? I know you like Erik, so we could go all tangenty and decide you were the apprentice to the Phantom of the Junior High. . .well, comment and tell me!

Oh, yes indeed.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.