Announcing The Newest PotJHer!

Eleven days 'till hatching day.



I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

Kat Was Killed!

One simply types in to the Google search "(insert name) was killed by," quote marks and all, and

According to Google. . .

Kat was killed by the Bug Spirit. The Bug Spirit was mortally wounded by Kat as well.

Since Kat was killed by the PC killer, Stephan was never on trial for her almost murder at their engagement party.

To state the obvious; poor, unfortunate Kat was killed by a device that was supposed to protect her.

And Mickey was killed!

According to Google. . .

Mickey was killed by an Israeli sentry near Jerusalem.

Mickey was killed by accidental carbon monoxide poisoning on March 8, 1970.

Like JoLynn, Mickey was killed by a hard blow to the head from a blunt weapon.

Mickey was killed by Ray the half-breed.

Mickey was killed by the Doom Lord of Scariness.

And Ben was killed!

Ben was killed by a car while walking his beloved dog, Theo, on Friday, March 18th.

Ben was killed by two drifters.

Ben was killed by the original Green Goblin.

Ben was killed by a hoodlum that even a non-superpowered teenager could have stopped.

Ben was killed by the Green Goblin after the fans complained about the Spider-Switch.

Ben was killed by Darth Vader.

Ben was killed way more times than Mickey or me. . .more common name, I suppose.

And Gabe was killed!

Gabe was killed by that dratted pendulum.

Gabriel was killed by the state on Oct. 10, 1800 after his rebellion planned for Aug. 30 was ruined by an unexpected rainstorm.

Gabriel was killed by Lucifer.

Gabriel was killed by the British. (What, all of them at once?)

Gabriel was killed by Piper Halliwell while under demonic influence and was sent to Hell.

And Max was killed!

Max was killed by the Rottweilers.

Max was killed by coyotes.

Max was killed by limited market availability.

Max was killed by our local Sheriff.

Max was killed by New Coke. (I TOLD YOU!)

Max was killed by Ben. (Not kidding.)

Max was killed by Wonder Woman.

And Spencer was killed!

Spencer was killed by cyanide of potassium.

Spencer was killed by a falling tree about 1787.

Spencer was killed by an Indian arrow as she held her baby at her cabin window.

Spencer was killed by the CIA And MI6.

And Julian was killed!

Julian was killed by his mother.

Julian was killed by Mr. Ernest Brown on Dec 3, 1904, for reasons I have yet to learn.

And David was killed!

On June 29, 1876, David was killed by a passing train.

David was killed by a buffalo.

David was killed by a bull around 1922.

Tradition says that David was killed by a falling tree.

David was killed by a Klingon officer.

David was killed by an animal kick to his head. I believe he died April 4, 1885.

Mizamour and Yass were not killed.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

You know, guys, it's at times like these, when I'm cleaning up after you crazy people have all been at my house, that I think to myself, who are these people, and why do I let them into my home? They come here. They all come here. How do they find me?

Body Count for Last Night

Max's new shirt. (Sorry.)

Mickey's dignity and childhood innocence. (Ahem.)

Everyone's ignorance of certain male. . .er. . .recreational occupations. (Ahem.)

Ben's voice. (You were yelling a bit.)

La Vie Boheme. (Sigh.)

Kat's ignorance of the movie version of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. (Marvin! Squee! Just so you all know that was not a "sexually attracted" squee.)

Max's status as single. (Was it just me, or does Yass seem sort of into him?)

Our belief in Julian's girlfriend. (Or at least Julian's faithfulness to said girlfriend.)

Kat's lack of a watch. (I just hope it doesn't have a time bomb in it. Hey, knowing David. . .)

Kat's frustration at never being able to keep her place in various books. (Thank you. Here's to cherryade.)

All of Kat's muffin debts. (GO ME!)

Kat's patience with Mac. (GAH! He needs to understand he doesn't own me, comprende?)

The virginity of my younger sister's life size Sugar Plum fairy Barbie doll. (Um. . .)

Kat's having not punched anyone for five odd years. (That was interesting, wasn't it, Max?)

In fact, Kat's patience with everybody.

Kat's nice white T-Shirt. (David, was that really necessary?)

---

In other news. . .

TAIPEI (Reuters) - Taiwan, home to the world's first transgenic glowing fish, has successfully bred fluorescent green pigs that researchers hope will boost the island's stem cell research, a professor said Thursday.

By injecting fluorescent green protein into embryonic pigs, a research team at the island's leading National Taiwan University managed to breed three male transgenic pigs, said professor Wu Shinn-Chih of the university's Institute and Department of Animal Science and Technology.

"There are partially fluorescent green pigs elsewhere, but ours are the only ones in the world that are green from inside out. Even their hearts and internal organs are green," Wu said on Thursday.

The transgenic pigs, commonly used to study human diseases, would help researchers monitor and trace changes of the tissues during the physical development, Wu said.

In 2003, a Taiwan company began selling the world's first genetically engineered fish, sparking protests by environmentalists who said the fluorescent green fish posed a threat to the earth's ecosystem.

In neighboring South Korea, disgraced stem cell scientist Hwang Woo-suk apologized Thursday for wrongdoing at his laboratory, but hinted at a conspiracy to discredit him and said he was blinded by the zeal of advancing stem cell studies.

An investigation panel at Seoul National University said on Tuesday that a team led by Hwang faked two landmark papers on embryonic stem cells, but did produce the world's first cloned dog.

Quote of the Day

"It's at times like these that I ponner. . .ponter. . .poonder. . ."

"Ponder?"

- Kat and Mickey

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

Kat's Being Scary Again, Everybody Hide!

I. Cannot. Take it. Anymore.

I'm serious. I know I'm not a saint, I mean, far from it, but I cannot take this family anymore. I mean, last night Luke threw a goddamned candlestick at me at the bloody dinner table and no one even batted an eye. And tonight he got his spaceman speckled knickers in a twist because Nancy wouldn't let him play video games. Then Nancy broke down crying and started yelling and cursing at both of us, regardless of the fact that I was not actually involved, and I am tired of this crazily dysfunctional family and I do not think I can live here anymore. I'm dead serious.

Now, I know I'm privileged and lucky to have a family and to have a house and everything. But I just cannot live under these conditions. I feel like I'm one of those microscope speciments, shoved between two pieces of glass. I can't breathe.

Excuse me, I feel the need to vent something.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Ahem.

Sorry.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

Short Post 'Cos Guess What Day It Is!

<.fangirlmode.>

TODAY POTO BECOMES THE LOOOONGEST RUNNING SHOW IN BROADWAY HISTORY!

<./fangirlmode.>

. . .

Oh, yes.

Quote of the Day

"Max, COMMAS!"

-Kat

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

Happy Birthday To Me, And Also Elvis, And Also David Bowie, As It Happens

(Confetti falls from the ceiling, much as it did on our 101st post. This time though, it's multicolored and shiny, as opposed to masks. A rather large amount falls onto Mickey's head.)

Mickey: . . .What's going on?

Ben: It's Kat's birthday, I think.

Ely: Yaaay! Yaaay! Wheee! Wheee! (Bounces in, in party hat, blowing on one of those party horns that stretch out when you blow on them.) It's my birthdaaaay!!!

Erika: (Slumps in, looking depressed.) Our birthday.

Ely: Yeah, well. . .

Kat: (Walks in.) Hey, folks. How's things?

Max: Hey, Kat. Happy Birthday.

Kat: Thanks. Er.

(Silence.)

Gabe: Kat, what in the name of Zaphod are you wearing?

Kat: Er, it's a scarf. A pink scarf. And a watch. A purple watch.

Ben: Oh, birthday gifts, right?

Kat: Right. I never wear scarves, watches, pink or purple, therefore they gave me a purple and pink scarf and a magenta watch. Yay. Oh, and a book about cave paintings.

Ely: I was actually quite fond of that book about cave paintings.

Erika: Two books. Coffee table books. And you're fond of everything.

Ely: No. Not everything. Not, for example, tomatoes, or Harry/Draco necrophilia.

Erika: I like Harry/Draco necrophilia.

Kat: Will you please stop reminding me of that? Ben, could you hand me the brain bleach? >.<

Ben: . . .We have brain bleach?

Kat: Yeah. It's right over there, by the sporks.

Spencer: I feel I must remind you that Edward Scissorhands and Sweeney Todd are still just outside.

Kat: Yeah? Go get the door, will you?

Spencer: Sure.

(Spencer goes to the door.)

Gabe: (A la the announcer at the ball in Disney's "Cinderella" - sorry, Ella's watching it as I type this) Preeesenting, Messers. Sweeney Todd and Edward Scissorhands.

Kat: Hey, guys!

Sweeney: (Creepy smile.) Hello! Have a little priest?

Kat: Er, no thank you.

Sweeney: We made you a birthday cake. It has. . .special things in it. . .

Edward: (Look shy.) You may not want to eat it.

Sweeney: Special special things. . .he was much too fat to waste, you know. . .

Kat: (Cringe.) Hey, David?

David: Yah.

Kat: Can you go and. . .er. . .eat that cake?

David: You bet! (Eats cake.)

Ben: (Under his breath, to Kat.) What was in that cake?

Kat: (Under her breath, to Ben.) Probably Sweeney's Uncle Roger. Or maybe Tobias.

Quote of the Day

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest."

- Larry Lorenzoni

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

In Which Kat Falls Over

Everyone cry. Calvin and Hobbes ended its run in the LA Times. Oh, Bill Watterson, wherever you are, please, grant us the adventures of a little boy and his tiger for a little longer? Pretty please?

Well, it being the day before my birthday and all, today was intensely boring. Except for the bit of it that happened about a minute ago which I shall now recount to you. I got up. And then I went onto the computer. And then I found a bad fanfiction called Legolas by Laura. And then the story used and then too many times. And then I yawned. And then. . .

Jenny: (Yelling from the kitchen.) Kat! Kaaat! There's roses here from someone. . .I don't know who. . .

Kat: Oh? Ok, I'm coming in there.

(Kat walks into kitchen. Kat reads card on roses.)

Kat: (Falls over.)

Jenny: . . . (Reads card on roses.) OH. EM. EFF. GEE.

Kat: (Makes a "can you please help me up, I'm dying here," kind of noise.)

And that's how I spent my morning ladies and gentlemen

I feel I must confess something to you all. I am thinking about writing a Hayao Miyazaki fan fiction, about Howl's Moving Castle. Kudos if you got anything about that. It will probably be Calcifer/OC, but I remain faithful that OMG CALCIFER/HEEN = OTP! (OTP means One True Pairing. For example, a phan would declare vehemently that EC is the OTP. Or E/N, depending on said phan.) Calcifer is a fire demon. Heen is a dog. So Calcifer/Heen = OMG OTP! Is my little private joke with myself. Other random jokes involving OTP include - warning, Lerouxness up ahead - Erik/Rat catcher, Rat/Rat catcher, Christine/The Persian (which squicks me. Don't ask why) and Mr. Tumnus from Chronicles of Narnia/Lucy. (That last one squicks me like you wouldn't believe. It is also very popular. Why? God, why?)

Because of all the weird lingo in that last, I feel I must create the new, the improved, the amazing. . .

Phantom of the Junior High Lexicon

OAYe - int. - Shows joy or surpise. [Origin - Kat attempting to type cry and typing this instead.]

Muffin - n. - A gift of a metaphor for lifey sort of nature. Often offered in response to reference getting. Also, Algernon Moncrieff's comfort food. [Origin - Kat offering them to commentors who got references. Also see Oscar Wilde's "The Importance of Being Earnest," and Random-Battlecry's "Whose Lair Is It Anyway?" in which they were stuffed into Emmy Rossum's mouth.]

Squee - v. - A strange squeaky noise, mainly made by fangirls, but occasionally by Kat, when surprised or happy. Or sexually attracted. [Origin - This has been in fanfiction lexicon for ages.]

OTP - abrv. - Abbreviation for One True Pairing. The belief that one pairing, for example ErikChristine, is the only pairing that matters in the fandom. [Origin - Fanfiction lexicon.]

Eroga - abrv. - Cutesy pairing name for Erik/Nadir slash. Kat detests it. [Origin - A fangirl on the PotO.com boards whose name shall not be spoken.]

Squick - v. - To disturb on a deep and fundamental level. Usually has to do with gore or with practices practiced by Max in relation to Lizzie. [Origin - GAFF forums.]

Fangirl - n. - One who squees and is just sort of generally bouncy and unreasonable. Usually hasn't read the book of whatever movie it is very well. [Origin - The Dawn of Fanfic.]

Phangirl - n. - Like a fangirl, but with PotO, and a PH. [Origin - The Dawn of Gerry.]

Phan - n. - A Kat. Seriously, they're all like me. Approach with caution. [Origin - The Dawn Of Obsessive People Changing Their Names To Christine Daae.]

Spork - n. or v. - Either a verb describing the process of snarking a fanfiction, or a noun describing the theoretical tool you use for this. [Origin - God only knows.]

Foon - n. or v. - The alternative to spork. The subject of many bloody battles between Kat and various acquaintances. [Origin - See above.]

These are not in alphabetical order. How could they possibly be? Yo no tengo un attention span longer than five sec - oh look, a bad fan fiction!

Quote of the Day

"Darnit, I forgot quote of the day! Hang on, I've got the Lexicon of Stupidity by my bed, that'll have something. . ."

"That's it right there."

-Kat and Ben. On the phone, of all things.

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

In Which Kat Expresses Her Feelings With Terry Pratchett Novels, Neil Gaiman Novels, And A Manga Of An Anime Movie By Miyazaki. Got That? Oh, Good.

It was a depressing day at the Opera. Kat was lying on her back on a bunk bed, which had spontaneously appeared because she wanted to kick at the ceiling, kicking at the ceiling. On the level below her, Gabe and Max were playing Parcheesi. Ben and David were off somewhere chasing each other and wreaking havoc. Spencer and Julian were in a corner plotting the next game of Alaskan basketball. Mickey was in New York seeing Sweeney Todd, the lucky little brat. But on the whole, it was a terribly depressing scene, in that special way that days during winter break have. Drab sky, drab earth, drab everything, and you're almost looking forward to getting back to school and Mr. M's vocab lists. (No amount, however, of depressing days can make one wish one of Mr. C's tests on oneself.) Mizamour was the only one who could manage to be cheerful.

Could nothing save them now?

Let us examine that question.

Better yet, let us let Kat, Gabe, and Max examine that question.

"Can nothing save us now?" Kat asked.

"Yes!" Gabe replied promptly.

"What?"

"That switch!"

"Where?"

"Right there - oh no, that's a rock shaped like Wally Boag. Sorry. Only fooling. We're doomed after all."

"Oh."

Silence.

"Question."

"I'll take anything."

"What exactly is going to kill us? What threat is there?"

Kat used her left Doc Marten to scuff a rather long black mark on the ceiling. "Winter break. Boredom. Lack of things to do. Half sanity. Insomnia."

"I see."

For a long time, nothing happened.

Nothing continued to happen.

Douglas Adams sued them for usage of his line. Kat ran for interim President of Brazil, lost, and learned to cartwheel.

"Calm down, Kat," said Ben, walking in.

"What the hell happened to your head?" There was a large blue ink stain spreading over Ben's forehead.

"Well, David stabbed me with a ballpoint pen, and there were no doctors nearby, and. . .oh, never mind. I bring great news."

"You've got an idea for something to do?" Gabe thought, out loud, and wishfully.

"No. Sweeney Todd and Edward Scissorhands are standing right outside the door."

Quote of the Day

"I'm hungry. COWS!"

- Luke

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

In Which Kat Is Mean. Sorry.

Up until now, my friends, I have been veritably nice. I mean, for the Godawful.net forums, I'm fairly warm and fuzzy. This, therefore, is my first snarking/sporking of a fic. To snark or to spork is to read a badfic and make snarky comments about it.

---

I hadn't realized that there were still PotO fics lying around in the Musicals/Plays section at the Pit of Voles. Technically, if they're ALW based, it's their proper place, but phans tend to cheat a bit. Well, here you are, ladies and gentlemen, I present One Rose. (That's a link. No, not that, that.)

Shoulda stayed away. Behold, the cast list.


The Fanbrat Known as ThePhantomIt14 wrote:
Christine: Emmy Rossum( I’m using all the people from the movie... pretend they’re about 20 years older!)

Raoul: Patrick Wilson

Erik the Phantom: Gerard Butler

Meg Giry: Jennifer Ellison


Welcome and salutations to the Department of Redundancy Department. May we have your permission and consent to serve you and take your order and request?


Elena: Anne Hathaway

Alexandria: Alexis Bledel


Elena and Alexandria are two of Christine and Raoul's Sue!Children. Yes, every single child is a Sue. With sweeping long hair, blue grey eyes, everything. And is it me, or are Elena and Alexandria, not to mention Joy, the youngest de Chagny Sue, both all Sue!Names, and also, not French names?

And you know it's bad when the love interest, supposedly Erik's son, is none other than. . .


Christopher: Orlando Bloom

There may be more characters later. I haven’t exactly planned this out yet.


Oh dear.


Elena’s bare feet tingled as they repeatedly hit the cold, hardwood floor. She ran into the parlor, looking around. Sitting by the crackling fire, sat her lovely, 8 year old sister, Joy. Joy was a lot younger than Elena, who was 19, and Alexandria, who was 13. Joy looked up, her blue-gray eyes twinkling.


Damn her, abusing these numbers to work as words. They're not equipped! Are you even paying them above minimum wage?

And "tingled as they repeatedly hit the cold hardwood floor," is just. . .strange.

After this, Christine and Raoul present their wonderful Sue daughter with a lovely necklace and an audition announcement for - shocker of shockers! - HANNIBAL! Why is it always Hannibal? Can't they just research for just one opera? There are so many. . .save my soul, I beg of you. What's wrong with Die Zauberflote? Or Otello? Or Don Giovanni? That last even fits with the Don Juan motif!

Oh yes. Fanbrat - research - right. Silly me.


“We thought it was time that you auditioned for a show. Your voice is as beautiful as mine, and your acting skills are better. You will definatly be a Prima Donna.”


There is, of course, no prior mention of any training beforehand. At all.

As the de Chagny girls recieve their OMG t3h pw3tty gifts (ballet shoes for Joy, and paints for Alexandria, who is called, for some reason, Ally - in the 1800s? WTF?) their true speshulness is revealed.


Ally was a fantastic artist, and Joy was the best 8 year old ballerina around. Her parents always joked that she should have been a Giry and not a de Chagny. As for Elena, she had the most beautiful soprano voice, exactly like Christine’s.


Because the Girys are, of course, the only people who ever dance. Ever. Don't go all "little Jammes," on me, elitist!


“Santa came” she whispered.


"And he stole all the commas."


“Let’s wake Ally up”


"Perhaps she can tell us where the commas have gone!"


“Ok.” Elena agreed.


Ok? In the 1800s?

And on to the next chapter. . .


Ok. Just to let you guys know, I’m adding 3 new characters on request of my friends.


GAFFers, man your sporks! Be ready to headdesk at the slightest provocation!


Emmaline- My friend, Courtney

Caroline- My other friend, Sarah


These are, apparently, provided so we can find out what they look like. Because everyone knows her friend, Courtney, and her other friend, Sarah.


Timothy- Tom Felton


I warned you.

*Headdesk*

Kat be too tired to snark it further. 'Till then, my dear GAFFers.

---

Ben: Kat! KAT! Don't leave! It's not done yet!

Kat: (Sticking her head back in.) What? What?! What do you want?

Ben: You forgot - oh, never mind. . .

Kat: Daroga. . .oy.

(Both exit.)

(Erika tramps in from offstage, carrying a large sign.)

Erika: (Muttering.) Always, always. Every time, her and Ely get carried away. Thinking about cherrybloodyade and bloody pirates bloody of bloody the bloody carribean.

(She plants the sign in the dirt before you. It reads:)

Quote of the Day

"Cogito, ergo snark."

- Anonymous

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

Surprise, Ain't It?

You scored as Theater. You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself! Theater 100% English 100% Linguistics 100% Journalism 100% Art 92% Philosophy 83% Dance 83% Sociology 75% Psychology 58% Mathematics 58% Biology 58% Engineering 42% Anthropology 25% Chemistry 0% What is your Perfect Major? created with QuizFarm.com

Quote of the Day

"The great state of Wisconson will not apologize for it's cheese!"

- Fellow in the Thank You For Smoking Trailer

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.

By Reccommendation of Juliet

Juliet, as mentioned in the title, is a friend from the Theatricum. Yes, it's her real name. Think her family might like Shakespeare?

So. I was emailing her something from Mizamour's blog - yet another quiz - and well, I mentioned that my New Year's Resolution was to get an agent. She told me the quiz I sent her, incidentally, might be helpful. Didn't explain how. Stay tuned. Fill out the quiz. All will be clear in time.

I think, I hope. . .

What would you do if. . .


1. I died:

3. I lived next door to you:

4. I started smoking:

5. I stole something:

6. I was hospitalized:

7. I refused to leave my home:

8. I got into a fight while you were there?


What do you think about my. . .


9. Personality:

10. Eyes:

11. Hair:

12. Family:


Would you. . .


13. Help me hide a body?

14. Keep a secret if I told you one?

15. Hold my hand

16. Take a bullet for me?

17. Hold my hair back if I was puking?

18. Try to solve my problems?

19. Love me?


Have you ever. . .


21. Lied to make me feel better?

22. Wanted to kiss me?

23. Wanted to kill me?

24. Broke my heart?

25. Kept something important from me?

26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?


And more. . .


28. Who are you?

29. Are we friends?

30. When and how did we meet?

31. Describe me in one word:

32. What was your first impression?

33. Do you still think that way about me now?

34. What reminds you of me?

35. If you could give me anything, what would it be?

36. How well do you know me?

37. When's the last time you saw me?

38. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?


I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.