The Ironic Happy Thanksgiving Post.

HIDE ME FROM MY PHSYCO RIGHT WING SAN DIEGAN FAMILY!!one11!!!!eleven!!1!!1!!11!!!11!!

Ooh, San Diegan. . .new word.

Okay, so that wasn't fair. They're not all from San Diego. Nor are all of them right wingers. But the elephants (my (wince) grandparents) are, and they're the ones I'm most terrified of. Okay, so here's the essential roster of them. Try not to run away.

Annie The Mother

Otherwise known as the Gorgon. I think you've all heard enough about her. I mean, she's my mother for Pete's sake.

Henry The Father

Is hiding in his room like a sensible person.

Shirley The Grandmother

Usually smells like face powder. Large. Looks as though she was made out of a paste of water, sugar, and flour.

Ben The Grandfather

No, we aren't kidding, yes, his name is really Ben. Is arguing with me about gay marriage.

Kimmy The Cousin

Is dancing to Green Day. Is a classically trained ballerina. Hide me.

Ashley The Cousin

Will someday be a Broadway diva. Is currently designing costumes for a punk version of Romeo and Juliet. Is singing Green Day. http://www.fashion-era.com/perfume_history.htm is her favorite website. 'Nuff said.

Marissa The Cousin

Is ridiculously intelligent. Got into Yale and Harvard. Went to Yale. Is quite fun despite all this.

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I adore them all regardless. Ha.

Quote of the Day

"I also called that same housekeeper and my sister ugly when they said that Idina was ugly. No surprise that I called my sister ugly, but I didnt want to single her out, so I said that they were both ugly."

- Mickey

I remain, gentlemen, your faithful and obedient servant,

J.G.